Honoring my inner introvert

It’s that time of year. Summertime. Everyone is out and about, travels abound, BBQs, pool parties, get togethers. Nice weather opens the door for the warm social season.

For those of us who fall on the “introvert” side of the introvert-ambivert-extrovert spectrum, this time of year can be hard to balance: when much of society says “go to the housewarming party, meet up with those friends organizing the big group baseball game, it’s your high school reunion this year so don’t forget to join in that!” Meanwhile, the inner voice often speaks much more quietly, “spend the day in the garden, take an evening to read an entire book, devote an entire weekend to making art.”

It can be difficult to know which voice to listen to.

As someone who falls thoroughly as an introvert, I’m learning to listen more to that quieter voice inside me. If I’m gently curious about that voice, I find I am more level, less prickly, and generally happier with my day to day. I love reading about being an introvert, and have, over time, developed-borrowed-stolen-adapted several techniques to help me take the best care of my introvert self.

1. Know how much time you need. We are beautiful, messy, amazing humans in all our uniqueness. Which means some of us need may need an extra few minutes in the bathroom before we return to the party and some of us need to block an hour or more off to recharge. I’ve found this also seems to shift with the season, my overall levels of stress, and who I’ve been around socially lately. Introvertrick: Not sure how much time you need? Consider tracking energy levels and introverting time spent for a couple of weeks or a month (or longer if you think you may find seasonal differences). This can help us get a concrete visualization of how much time we need to refuel.

2. Schedule introvert time. This is one lesson I seem to forget every few months until I start running myself ragged and thin. When I hit that mood of never feeling energized and always feeling slightly cranky (but with no obvious reasons why), it’s usually because I’ve forgotten to truly introvert. Right now, working alone, I thought I’d do so much more introverting but I’ve actually found that working alone doesn’t allow for that recharge space I need to be my best Self. Introvertrick: When I notice I’ve been forgetting to introvert, I set notifications in my phone to pop up every couple of days to remind me to take some me time. I also keep a paper calendar/planner and schedule out alone time for a month. As much as possible I stick to those times and do something to help me recharge. If something comes up that I MUST do during a scheduled introvert ime I make sure I reschedule a new block that same day or soon afterwards.

3. Learn to say no. Even to your family. My family loves to do get togethers during the summer. Especially over the weekends, these turn into all-day-family-time-marathons. Learning to say “no thanks” in particular ways has helped me keep a strong relationship with them without sacrificing the quiet time I need. Introvertrick: make sure to take your own car and take the scenic route when driving to meet family, run an errand (bonus if it’s for someone else), take a walk or run around the neighborhood, seek out one person to play a game together or have a deep conversation.

4. Make a list of activities that fuel you. Make sure to include one or more of these activities in your day-to-day schedule. Post the list somewhere you see it frequently, such as a bathroom mirror, calendar, or near a door. Introvertrick: Print the list on nice paper, add images (printed or draw your own!), and make this list something you enjoy looking at frequently. Make it something that will catch your eye each day.

Bonus note: Be wary of using a phone/tablet/computer for introvert time. While staring at a screen can give a sense of escape, too often it becomes addicting and can negatively impact relationships.

How do you honor your introvert-self? Or if you find yourself falling on the ambivert or extrovert part of the spectrum, what tools to you use to recharge and practice self care?