What I Learned Living 4200 Miles from My Best Friends

I have never been a person who’s maintained many friendships, especially close friends. Particularly since becoming an adult I find much more in the emotional and mental closeness and quality, and less in the physical proximity and quantity. And so I often consider myself to have only have a few good friends. And I am happy.

As a constant traveler, I have also found that those I feel closest to do not live close to me. Whether I’ve met them abroad, or we lived nearby for a time, connecting over a passion for exploration before one or both of us moved, my friend pool is spread thin with miles and time zones between us. Maintaining a friendship with someone you perhaps only knew in person a few days or a handful of months at best has taught me an incredible amount about friendship.

1. As Pooh said, “You can’t stay in your corner of the woods forever.” One of the best aspects of having friends positioned around the world is the ability to use a visit as an excuse to travel, maybe even have a free place to crash for a few nights. I have found in visiting friends, a more profound connection is created going from immense distances to such close proximity (sharing a double bed, anyone?). When we’re together, we’re together.

2. Letters and words become an important mode of communication. Dust off that stationary set your great-aunt sent you for Christmas 20 years ago and get to writing! While hanging out having beers or meeting for coffee is great, connecting through the written word provides a deeper space for sharing your thoughts. It becomes a bit like a journal shared with another, and the mind has the space to wander without interruption (whether from the friend, the bar staff, or the table of drunken carolers behind you). Not a letter-fan? Facebook, Instagram, or even “old fashioned email” all offer ways to connect.

3. You realize what makes a great friend. I can’t remember where I first heard that a best friend is someone you can go months or even years without talking and when you meet again it’s like the time never passed. It has been three years since I’ve seen one of my closest friends in person. I know next time we meet we will pick up where we left off, sharing deep conversations about music, yoga, love, travels, and more.

4. Take time to reach out - - It's important! It can get lonely when your friends are all a flight or two away. The time difference often involved doesn’t help either. Do the math and find a time neither of you is at work or sleeping and reach out with a Skype or FaceTime call. Write that letter or book that flight. Remember how you met those people to begin with and reach out to someone close by: ask a few “locals” to meet up for trivia night, join a book club, or investigate a new potential hobby (our local library does a great job offering information nights on a variety of subjects). All are ways to cope with the distance, both physical and emotional, feel more connected to your tribe, and reinforce bonds that stretch miles, hours, and lifetimes. And you might make another friendship in the process.

#nothingispermanent #friends